Thursday, July 8, 2010

Once Again I Need You!

This is a picture of Warden Henderson, Me, Captain Starkey and my friend Sharon. I have forgotten now why the Captain thought I needed to be blown up like a dumb blond.

Years ago on my 45th Birthday I remember lying on a cold steel table in a hospital being tattooed for the beginning of ten weeks of radiation. I had been told a month before I had Breast Cancer and so after surgery the treatments would be the next defense against this horrible cancer. What was really strange about being my 45th Birthday was my dad was also diagnosed with Breast Cancer when he was 45.

I remember every day driving myself to treatments an hour away and then afterwards to work which was just a thirty minute drive from there. This went on until my last three treatments when my Asst. Warden at the Prison I worked sent me home for at least three days of rest. He took one look at me during the last week and decided enough was enough. Go Home!

This Warden took my having Breast Cancer as hard as or even harder than I did. Not a day went by that he did not come looking for me to see if I was still keeping my head up. The day I found out he took me into his office and for the first ten minutes he just sat there with the saddest expression and neither one of us said anything. I got up to leave thinking why did he call me in his office if he was not going to say something. When I got to the door he said, “Don’t let me catch you without your head up and a smile on your face or you will be back in the office!” I looked at him like he had lost it and went back to my assigned area. Little did I know that was the best advice anyone gave me during my cancer. Because he was telling me Maggie you’re going to fight this and you’re going to do it with your head up. I made up my mind that day I was going to do just that and I fought and won.

The reason for me telling you this story is because I can’t sleep tonight because there is a chance that I may need to hear those words again. On and off for a long time I have had problems swallowing and years ago had my esophagus stretched and now it is closing up again and now my doctor will start the ball rolling tomorrow to find a Doctor to do this surgery that of course carries my insurance at the Sheriff’s Dept. His only concern with the throat is that it has been going on too long and that increases the chances for cancer.

This though was not his biggest concern because remember the other day I mentioned waking up with pains in other areas besides the back and neck. I was hurting really bad under my left breast and after looking and feeling of it there is a mass there which I told him it could be from my fall. It could be I broke a few ribs when I fell but the thinks I would have known it before now but I told him I have been on so many pain pills and my back hurting so bad that maybe I did not realize this was hurting too. Well he is concerned more about the Breast Cancer returning so he ordered a CAT scan for that area.

I felt bad telling my kids about it tonight because it seems like all I ever have lately is bad news. I was going to wait and tell you after my test were run but could not sleep knowing that I should tell you because if this were you I would want to know plus I truly believe in the power of prayer by many. So my friends once again I need your prayers. Not sure when they will do the C scan hopefully by Friday. Tomorrow is my pool therapy but if they sat up a C scan I will do my best to do both. Not sure when the throat surgery will be but it is an in an out procedure and if they don’t find anything in there it will be a piece of cake.

Of course my doctor told me not to jump to any conclusion and to not worry. Which I will do my best to think of Warden Henderson and hold my head up and pray for the best.

I am hoping it is just a broken rib causing this pain.

Boy I have been a pain to all of you lately but without you I would of already gone AWOL.

Hope you all entered Donna’s giveaway! I can not wait to see the finished piece.

Thanks from the bottom of my heart for being my friend and listening to my troubles. Now that I know you are praying for me I can go to sleep. I was lying here thinking before I got up to do this post about my kids, my grand kids and you. If this does turn out not to be good news I am going to print out all of your comments from all the post back and make me a book out of them so I can pick them up and read them whenever I feel down. Your comments always crack me up. You are the best!

My friend Janie went to the doctor with me and she went through the first cancer with me at the Pack Unit and I told her I don't think I have the strength to do this again but that's when she reminded me of Warden Henderson and his calling me into his office.

Love to All




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